When your superhero loses their powers

How would you feel if you caught Batman arriving without his Bat Mobile? Or, if you found out Superman couldn’t fly? Disappointing, right? Well, regardless if you’re into comics or not, superheroes don’t need to be defined as humans with unique abilities. Heroes can be regular people in our everyday lives. My superhero is my mother since day one. From coming to Canada as an immigrant speaking no English, raising a daughter as a single mom, working multiple jobs to support me and her family back home, getting us out of public housing, and giving me the life she wanted me to have. There are so many other things I can say about her to explain why I see her as my forever hero, but what stands out the most, are the smaller things in between.

Having Powers

My mom and I went through a rough few years when I was in my late teens because we couldn’t figure out how to properly communicate with one another. You know that phase we all go through where we think we know everything and our friends are the number one priority in our life? For me, that phase caused a ton of friction between my mother and me and that wound took over 2 years to heal. Looking back at our situation years later, I realized that I did not act out because I hated my mom; I hated myself. I did not like who I was which lead me to make a lot of mistakes, one of the biggest ones being that I treated the one person that loves me more than herself very poorly.

That time was very hard for me, but now, I look at my past with a whole new lens. That moment in time gave me a great example of unconditional love, which is the strongest superpower of them all. My mother stood by my side and never gave up on me when I was at my worst. It made me respect my mother and value her on a different level. I saw my mom as Ms. Incredible, a true woman of her word who I aspired to be just like one day!

Question: What do you think happens when you put someone on a pedestal with 1 leg to stand on? 

Answer: They are bound to fall (even if they have great balance). 

Falling

Not long after our relationship was restored, my mom started to date a man who I wouldn’t consider to be the gentleman I knew my mom deserved. As much as I disapproved of him, I had to respect my mother's wishes and accept her decision to be in that relationship. A few years in, my mom revealed to me that she had been disrespected to the highest degree, and despite her shame, she was choosing to stay. That conversation took me to a very weird place; I was conflicted between being angry or disappointed...maybe I was both.

It took a while for me to address this with her because I repeatedly tried to put myself in her shoes to understand her decision, but I couldn’t. Every time I thought about it, it brought me to tears. Many of the things my mom was always trying to teach me growing up were in regard to respecting myself as a woman, my worth, not settling for less than I deserved, etc. I couldn’t believe that my hero could not stand up for herself and walk away. All I could think of at that time was that my mother was no hero, she was a hypocrite. Fast-forward 5 years later when my mom decided to end that relationship, we finally decided to have an honest conversation about it. I felt emotionally prepared to truly hear my mother's truth.

Being Human

The fact is, even though my mother might have done her fair share of mistakes, who hasn’t? Her relationship taught her that she still had some trauma she was holding on to that needed healing. I kept trying to understand how the person I looked up to could be weak enough to fall. What I came to understand later, was that she was hurting all along. The lessons she was trying to teach me were how to do and to be better than her so I would avoid ever feeling that level of pain. She was protecting me from the pain she didn't even know how to handle herself.

The expectation I put on my mother to be perfect was beyond unrealistic. She is human just like the rest of us. She doesn’t have powers and she never did. What makes her my hero today are the qualities she does have. She is a compassionate, loving, strong, God-fearing human that will go to any length for the ones she loves.

5 LESSONS ON HEROES

1. Heroes don’t always wear capes, they often are the ones who do the most for us and/or who impact our lives in beautiful ways.

2. Heroes are damaged and imperfect, just like you.

3. Heroes don't ask to be put on a pedestal. Putting them on without their consent only leads to disappointment.

4. Heroes aren’t invincible, they hurt too.

5. Heroes make mistakes, and when they do, learn to understand and accept them for who they are.

Our heroes, just like us, evolve. The way I view my mother now is much deeper than the perception I had of her years ago. We have grown together and built a bond that cannot be duplicated. Today, I accept my mother for who she is. Flawed in all, she remains my superhero and forever will be.

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Who are the superheroes in your life?

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