Diary of a Working Mom
Dear Diary, I’ve recently been promoted from a “mom” to a “working mom.” An average person would think that promotions usually mean more responsibility but comes with higher pay and a bigger office with a view. Mine, on the other hand, only came with more tears!
I was so excited for Fio to start daycare and have our new routine. What I wasn't ready for was all that came with this new transition.
It all started with unrealistic expectations. If you know me, I strive off of routine, and planning is my jam. Where I went wrong in this scenario, was that I tried to plan Fio's daycare transition to the T. Even with everyone telling me that it's gonna be tough at first, but after a few weeks, he'll adjust, I still felt like, "Nah, Fio should be just fine in a week. Starts crying Monday, but by Friday, he'll be doing his full days, no problem." .......Boy, was I so wrong.
Every single day was such a struggle for him and me. I didn't think the transition would involve so much of my mental and emotional energy. By day 5, I was barely holding on and ended up having a full-blown mental breakdown in the Superstore parking lot. We're talking ugly cry, can't breathe, hyperventilating type of breakdown. Why? -- because it felt like Fio in daycare would mean less load for me to carry, but instead, it felt like I picked up 5 other bags. Mind you, I went back to work at the same time this transition is happening. So we both were dealing with drastic changes at the same time.
First, I'm carrying the mental load of having to plan for my son's care daily while juggling picks up halfway through the day, and messages from his daycare provider that he's not eating. Meanwhile absorbing so much information from my new role at work. Then, I'm carrying the emotional load of my son being in a stranger's care all of a sudden, after being with him for a whole year. Just the thought of him crying and me not being there to make it all better was crushing. Put those things together and mix in all the other emotions such as guilt, sadness, partner resentment, doubt, and anxiety. That's tough! I hadn't initially considered all of that when I made my perfect "transition plan" in my head. So now, both Fio and I were crying.
So needless to say, the first 3 weeks of 2023 weren't the best when it came to our new flow, BUT we have made it to the other side! My mom-friends were right. It is hard in the beginning, but it does get better. 1 month later, I can happily report that we have finally settled into our new groove, and Fio is thriving which makes all of the tears oh so worth it.
Being a working mom is not easy. I'll continue to capture my thoughts on this because I have so many. Whether it be out being the "flex parent" (that's a big one), new household dynamics or finding purpose (I can go on), ill be writing about it from my perspective.
Anyway, the moral of today's blog post is: don't over plan for things you can't control. As I said in the beginning, it all started with my expectations. If I had a more realistic expectation, I could have avoided a lot of emotional stress. Would it have still been hard, yes. But I think it would have been easier to manage the day to day stuff to manage a whole lot better.And to my mommy's out there, you're a good f****** mom!
↓ Please share your daycare stories (tell me that I'm not alone lol) ↓