Quarantine Blues
I went through a mental, emotional, and physical breakdown during this quarantine. Two weeks into quarantine I was doing great. Fast forward to two months later, and here I am sharing my story as to how I spent 1.5 weeks in a very dark hole struggling to get out...Everyone is going through their own situation during this time. Whether you’re directly affected by the coronavirus or having a hard time dealing with the effects of the stay-at-home orders. We all have our ways of coping and getting through each day.
My situation in particular took a very sharp turn of events. Constantly being the one hearing about everyone’s difficult situation eventually took a toll on me because I was not able to tap into how I was feeling. When I finally sat down for a minute, it hit me like a ton of bricks and knocked me out. BAM! Waking up every day was like waking up in a nightmare (or is it a daymare?). Dragging my feet out of bed and struggling to find the energy to open my laptop and start the day. This is how I felt for several days in a row. This is what happens when I don’t check in with myself. In my day-to-day work, I strive on being focused and productive. This current situation is a double-edged sword for me. Fortunately, I am blessed to be able to work from home and provide for my family, but unfortunately, I am unable to reach 80% of my work capabilities. In the long term, this leads me to feel unmotivated, tired, and borderline disengaged.
On top of that, did I mention my husband and I were in the process of buying a third home while renting our current property? So I was the main point of contact when handling all of the moving pieces that come with each process. That sounds like something to celebrate right? Normally it would be, but I was in such a negative hole, it was hard for me to even enjoy such an accomplishment. In my mind, it was simply another stressor being piled on. It became a very heavy weight for me to carry. I wasn’t sleeping. I wasn’t eating at times. I didn’t care to speak to anyone. My face was breaking out. It got so bad, that my body was bleeding out for 4 days straight (TMI but no, I was not on my period). That is when I reached my breaking point. During this time, I hadn’t spoken about it to anyone, not even my husband. He knew something was wrong but It was up to me to face it, acknowledge where my feelings were stemming from and open up. I started to reflect on the reason why I was affected so strongly this time compared to others. I've been in moments of high stress before but I have never reacted this bad...The difference this time was the inability to distract myself and escape. I am typically very busy and constantly out of the house doing X, Y and Z. My normal today is waking up and sleeping in my home, working both my jobs from home and living through my marriage from home with no places to go in between. That would take a toll on anyone.
The first step was talking to my husband about my negative thoughts and stresses to fully let him in and allow him to be there for me. The second step was to speak to my boss and express the struggles I’ve been having with my work and together find ways to re-prioritize/shift my focus during this time. Following those 2 conversations, I took the weekend off, meaning all I did was rest. On that Monday, I was back in action! I was able to find the simple joys again. Going back to work with a new perspective and approach. Making lists to ensure everything with our home process was getting done and on track. Separating business and personal. Getting back to my routine, incorporating the activities that make me happy, which includes downtime with my husband. The key for me was simply taking it one day at a time.
A close person in my life told me, to consider negative thoughts as clouds, notice them, and watch them pass by.
↓ How have you been doing during this time? I really want to know... ↓