The Engagement Period

She said yes, now what?

If you’ve recently been engaged or think that engagement is the next step, this post is for you! Planning a wedding is such a small detail in the lifelong journey you’re about to embark on with your significant other. The engagement period is often seen as being a sure thing. He proposes you say yes, now get married? Let’s slow things down… 

Being recently engaged, now in the engagement period doesn't mean you need to get married. Let’s pause at the engagement, and dive deep into what that period should be to make sure you’re being true to yourself.

Will you marry me?

That famous question…It is very easy to get caught up in the initial excitement of the proposal, pressure from family/friends, and societal norms. But after that celebration, you are the one going home with that person every day after that, not them. So you should make sure this decision is made for you, and you only.

From my experience, I spent the first 6 months of my engagement planning, but most of my free time was spent reflecting and asking myself really tough questions. Why did I say yes to this man? What does marriage mean to me? Am I ready to be the partner he needs?

You might be thinking that asking myself these questions means that I am unsure about him? –No. These questions are meant for me. Checking in with myself to make sure that my mind, body, and soul are aligned. The same goes in my relationship, he and I have always been open about “checking in” with each other on a regular basis to make sure we are doing our part and actively considering each other’s as well as our own feelings. Our check-ins at times have been reality checks. Moments when we needed to be honest with one another about our emotional state or share something we might be struggling with personally. We consider it as being one of the healthiest habits we have created in our relationship!

Choosing your mate

Marriage is something both of us have always intended. Bishop TD Jakes, who is happily married for 34 years, gave us some food for thought during one of his segments on his talk show and said:

"You don't get to choose your parents or your siblings and you don't get to choose your kids. But when it comes to your companion that you're gonna spend the rest of your life with, you get to 

shop."

That stuck with me personally because it validated the way I went about my relationships. As I went through my past relationships, I always tried to keep the end goal of marriage in mind. When things ended, it was sad but never for too long because I knew they were not my forever person. Now that I have found him, I needed to be sure I was ready. Understanding WHAT and WHO I am committing to. The bishop recently spoke about the thought people should put into when choosing a life partner. What struck me was when he said:

"When choosing a mate, you need to ask yourself whether or not that person is the one you would want to hold your hand as you are lowering your parents' bodies into the grave for the last time."

-- That is serious. I had to pray on that for a moment.

When people get married, they often think about living a life together, but the message I took from this sermon was about focusing on what matters. The truth is, life will put you in situations that are not ideal. When that happens, would you still choose this person? You don’t have to keep these thoughts to yourself. Open up the conversation with your partner if you haven’t already, and get real!

Saying yes, doesn’t mean you need to say I do

A wedding is a beautiful event that initiates a life-long marriage of two imperfect people. There is no deadline for engagement so take the time you need. This can be a period of reflection. A moment for you to think about if this is what’s right for you. If you decide to continue on this journey with this person, I wish you nothing but blessings in this new chapter. On the contrary, if you need to take a step back to assess if you’re ready, don’t be embarrassed or ashamed. I’m here to tell you that it’s ok to step away and choose yourself when it doesn’t feel right.